Severus Snape and the Power of Legilimency
by sarahyyy
Summary: “Professor Snape is really sexy you know?” “So you will marry me?” “NO! No, there isn’t anyone else.” A oneshot humour [mostly] fic. DMHG, slight PPHP


**Disclaimer: **So, I found this lamp and I rubbed it clean. Out came this genie who said I had three wishes. My first two wishes were- 1. I wish I had lots of money and 2. I wish I was cleverer. For my last wish I told the genie to turn me into JKR. The genie sighed and turned me into JKR. About five seconds later, I turned back into me again. I forgot to specify how long I wanted to be JKR. So, since I'm not JKR, I own nothing but the plot.

**A/N: **Okay, this piece is purely for fun. And it's un-beta-d since my beta is having her finals right now. So be kind and leave me a review, won't you? The italic and bolded words are either the thoughts or memories of a certain character.

* * *

Neville Longbottom, he noticed, had not even once blown up his potion yet. And the Gryffindors were being exceptionally quiet today. And he couldn't possibly take off points from his own house, could he? 

All in all, Severus Snape was feeling extremely bored today.

"If only I could read Snape's mind... I'd probably get all the answers for the next test... What say you, Harry?" Weasley's words gave him an idea.

Legilimens.

He could do that, couldn't he? Just a peek or two into a few students' memories. That'd be interesting...

But who to start with?

His eyes grazed through the classroom and finally settled on... Harry. And to his unbelievable luck, Potter just happened to look up and their eyes locked.

"_**Do you love me, Harry?"**_

"_**I really, really, really like you, Pansy."**_

"_**Say it, Harry! Say you love me!" **_

"_**I... I..."**_

"_**You can't say it. Oh Merlin, you can't say it!"**_

Harry jerked his eyes away from Snape. Snape smirked. Legilimency was his favourite skill. Now who else?

Weasley? No, Potter would have already told him all about him invading his mind.

His eyes flickered over to where Pansy was sitting. She was stirring the cauldron dejectedly with Blaise chattering obliviously next to her. How about...Pansy? He was quite interested in what she had to say about Potter's inability to say 'I love you'. Snape smirked to himself again.

He looked in the direction of Pansy and waited for a moment. The second Pansy lifted her head up and met his eyes, Snape began.

_**She was crying. "Why, Harry? Why can't you say it?"**_

"_**I'm sorry, Pansy."**_

"_**Is there someone else?"**_

"_**NO! No, there isn't anyone else."**_

"_**Then why?"**_

"_**Because I'm not sure if I love you."**_

_**Pansy ran back to the Slytherin common room, crying all the way.**_

Giving Pansy an apologetic smile (in which Pansy returned with a slight shake of her head, signifying that it was alright), he turned back to his papers, pretending to be immersed in his papers. 'Potter is an idiot.' Snape concluded to himself easily.

Now, who would be his next...victim?

Longbottom.

"_**Professor Snape is really sexy you know? Sitting there posed like a Greek God and all... And his voice is like velvet. I love it when he talks to me. Even if his hair is really a little too greasy, I'm sure it can be fixed. Blimey, Professor Snape could look like a model if he wanted to!"**_

Snape coughed and pulled himself out of Longbottom's mind. Longbottom thought that he was sexy?

"No, Granger, you have to stir it _counter clockwise_!" He heard Malfoy hiss lowly at Granger.

"It says here_ clockwise_." She hissed back.

"Your book is outdated, then." He said and she looked appalled.

"Why don't you say that you have bad eyesight and obviously read wrongly?" She shot back.

Malfoy grinned and looked towards Snape for confirmation. Snape grinned to himself about his good fortune (momentarily forgetting all about Longbottom) and delve into Malfoy's mind.

"_**Granger," Malfoy was on his knee. They were in the astronomy tower. "Will you marry me?" **_

Snape's eyes turned wide with shock.

"_**But Malfoy, we're arch enemies!" Her eyes were twinkling as she said that.**_

_**Malfoy pouted. "After all we've been through? Nine months of unbridled passion? Snogs in the broom cupboard? Quckies in Professor Snape's potion store?"**_

Snape paled. His potions store? Great Merlin!

"_**Wasn't I good enough?" Malfoy asked.**_

"_**You were good. Very, very good." Granger purred.**_

_**Now Malfoy smirked, "So you** **will** **marry me?"**_

"_**Of course, you dolt!" **_

_**And then they snogged.**_

Snape collapsed in a dead faint.


End file.
